Monday, 16 April 2018

Letting Go of Old Friends

Having had my fair share of heartbreak from boyfriend after boyfriend, you would think I would be used to being let down and the pain of a break up by now. 

After all, it is considered a normal part of growing up and therefore we shouldn't really be surprised when it happens. The thing is when it happens to friendships it's totally different, life doesn't prepare you for friendship breakups. They are especially painful. 

We all have friends that we think will be our partners in crime forever, you imagine yourself being that old cooky couple causing havoc. You never imagine the day that you walk away, certain people are supposed to be there for life right?

But there comes a time when you have to say enough is enough. You realise that the friendship isn't actually working and is kind of toxic, you wouldn't stay in a relationship that is like that and pretty much one-sided would you? So why should friendships be any different? When you have relied on certain people for so long it can be hard to turn your back and leave it all behind, I still find myself questioning my decision.

This year I decided that 2018 was going to be my year, I was going to stop doing things that I didn't want, that didn't make me happy and stop trying to please and make effort with people that didn't with me.

Just before Christmas, myself and someone, I called my best friend of 10+ years had a big fallout. Not for the first time either, having her attack me in such a manner that belittled me for being myself, a coeliac and blogger I said enough was enough and called it quits. I know how loyal I am, I would do nothing to hurt anyone let alone those close to me. So I was deeply hurt and distraught.

I had done more than she would ever know to be loyal, to which I have several witnesses to back me up. I only wish when I had the chance I had told my whole truth, however, it is all a bit late now and to be honest I really do not want the drama of it now.

Looking back over the years of friendship I find myself realising that she always tried to find ways to belittle me, taking stabs at me for being single and never taking me seriously when I found myself struggling with health issues. Yet I stuck by her, helped her whenever she needed it and going so far as to keep secrets that could otherwise ruin relationships.

I am in no way blaming her or criticising her because at the end of the day I stayed in that situation. I was the one that should have taken control, set boundaries and probably walked away years ago. Don't get me wrong letting go of this long-term friendship hurt like hell and still does but I am so much better off for it.

I am a firm believer in quality over quantity, I have never had many friends and have less now but wouldn't you much rather have a few genuine people in your life, than many generic acquaintances.

I can now count on at least one amazing friend. Who accepts me for who I am, no matter what the circumstances, supports me in whatever I choose to do and gets my quirks and weird ways.

We can go months without seeing each other yet when we meet it's as if no time has passed at all.
Yeah, it is hard to finally realise you need to walk away but, now I have removed myself from this horrible situation I can actually use the time I wasted trying to keep that friendship alive, on my old and some new friendships. You never know they may very well develop into the kind of friendships that I spoke about at the start.

Shirt: H&M
Skirt: Forever 21
Boots: Rocketdog
Cardigan: Primark
Glasses: Specsavers
Bag: Spectrum Collections

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.


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