Friday, 14 June 2019

A Fine Line - Dominant Submissive Relationships*

When one thinks of a Dominant/ Submissive (Dom/ Sub) relationship your mind obviously automatically goes to whips, chains, and a hidden BDSM room. Whilst I suppose there are some that are like that; when it comes to bdsm dating it's all part of a much broader spectrum. In short, however, one partner generally submits to the more dominant party; in a psychological manner as opposed to totally physical. 

The major fine line to consider when looking into dom/sub relationships and sites such as My BDSM Hookups is to consider the right partner; the nature of these mind games can certainly nurture and lead to emotional/ domestic abuse. That is not to say that two consenting individuals can't have a loving, strong relationship, just consider a few things before delving into the realms of trusting someone with these fantasies. 

One major thing to stress from the outset is the importance of everything being consensual, most Dom/Sub relationships, create checklists and even contracts with all negotiations written down to reinforce this consent. - DO NOT refer to Fifty Shades as a guide for consent or communication. Personally, I haven't watched it, however, I do know that they didn't get proper consent and communication was lacking.


A strong open line of communication is key to any relationship, be it friend or partner. With these kinds of situations, however, keeping communication free flowing will not only build trust, but will keep each of you happy to express any concerns, headline any likes/ dislikes, set out any rules and or boundaries. You can also discuss experiences or expectations; keeping things completely honest will only serve you better in the future. 

Most couples start out by having a clear conversation at the beginning of the relationship to find out what sexual preferences they do and/ or do not like. One good way to do this, would be to list out all activities each of you knows and go through the list together; stating whether you would or wouldn't want to try it. Again discussing the fundamentals and ensuring that everything is consensual on both sides. 


You both have to know one another truly to be able to allow yourselves to let go and trust that person to have you. It is one thing to allow someone to have your body, but to allow someone to 'control' your mind and/ or perform certain acts of dominance; well you need to have respect and total trust. 

Without that the line between physical dominance and even emotional dominance can get blurry, you may think you want it, it may be a fantasy of yours. Yet there may come a point in the relationship that it becomes unwanted, too violent.. Forced almost.

Once you have set out some basic rules and know what you both want from the relationship, you can start off slowly and work your way up. It is always a good idea to check in with each other and keep the communication open. Remember that just because it is working for you it may be near the limit for them.

* This is a sponsored post. Please see my Disclaimer for more information.

Always be kind, you never know what personal battle people are fighting.

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